Kategoriarkiv: observations

Trouble on Myspace: DJ Scratch vs. Scratchator

So I’m a big fan of Myspace. I’ve added Rakim, The Rocker Marty Janetty and numerous other legends to my profile within the first week. Each time I add someone I usually leave a quick comment telling the person I really respect their work or whatnot. They usually never reply if they’re bignamed artists, but all of a sudden I got an email answer back – from none other than the legendary DJ Scratch from EPMD!

Oh joy, I thought, but come to show it’s not a pretty e-mail. See I had sent him a comment calling him Scratchator, thinking that was his new name while performing for Busta Rhymes. Busta Rhymes is fund of dinosaurs so it’d make sense with the namechange (remember the line “I always roam thru the forest / like a brontosaurus” from Abandon Ship). How ever this was not the case. See, this was the DJ Scratch that had produced for EPMD, PMD, FLIPMODE and a host of others. The one who had brung it back, when Erick Sermon asked “Yo Paul, bring it back” and the one who won numerous DJ contests, sometimes while scratching with his penis. However, DJ Scratchator he was not. In fact he thought that DJ Scratchator was a bit of a poser, as you can see by our following e-mail conversation:

In any case I wish DJ Scratch good luck in his career, and as it says on his website: there are many DJ’s named Scratch – but only one is legendary. See you next update, I’m off to offend more people on Myspace!

There’s a horse in the hospital: the return of Dr. Octagon

Here at the hiphop, the simpsons & wrestling blog we love us some Kool Keith. Maybe it deals with the fact that the creator of the blog – me – was born on Jupiter similar to Dr. Octagon. Well, actually not born really, rather grew up on Jupiter. And it wasn’t excactly on the planet it was on a street named Jupitervej, but still – you can see the connection.

Kool Keith has always been good for a gimmick or two, Fly Ricky The Winetaster definitely being the most underrated, but his most famous to date has been Dr. Octagon. He’s now resurfaced in new form. Even though he was killed on the Dr. Dooom album, he’s apparently returned from outer space and twisted the letters of his name into Mr. Nogatco – short for National Objectives for Governmental Astral-Terrestrial Covert Operations. Phew. Anyways you can peep the site and Keith doing his dang here. Rumours have it Mr. Hill from Oldominion will be producing on it. He’s not Dan The Automator, but he’s fresh in his own right.

Also, to celebrate this I’d like to share a little Kool Keith history with my fellow motherbloggers, so here for your viewing pleasure is the extended video version for Ultramagnetic MC’s Traveling at the Speed of Thought. And if that wasn’t enough here’s a soundbite from arguably the funniest freestyle session of all time with Kool Keith and Xzibit as captain crazy ruins freestyle after freestyle by making up different sandwiches!

Kamala: the Ugandan Spam Giant

In more crazy email news, I recently received a letter from Kamala. Kamala is possibly the closest thing wrestling has come to a utterly racist, minstrel angle. He’s this 350 lbs giant from Uganda, who debuted in the 80’s, at a time where Uganda was probably most known for its cannibal-dictator Idi Amin.

Thought up in the USWA by Jerry The King Lawler he’s based on every stereotype the King could find is National Geographic about the natives of Africa. He feuded with Hulk Hogan at houseshows in the late 90’s and returned to the WWF in the 90’s to take on a feud with the Undertaker. Kamala figured the pale mortician would make an excellent potroast, but sadly the Ugandan giant was deadly affraid of coffincases leading to his loss in the battle. It actually culminated at Wembley Stadium for the 92 Summer Slam a then 12-year-old Peter PTA was lucky enough to witness.

I dunno if that’s the reason Kamala sent me this e-mail about penis-enlargement, but I thank him anyway.

Wrestlers reveal their favorite rappers

You may have read certain wrestlers aren’t too fund of rappers. Mr. Perfect said flat out rap was crap before his untimely death and Diamond Dallas Page went ahead and sued Jay-Z for throwing up “the roc” years after DDP had originated the hand sign. So aren’t there any wrestlers that actually like rappers? No…stupid, but to correct that wrong, I took it upon myself to make up some that do. So remember to click the individual entries on the top ten as hilarious pics will unfold. Behold, here’s the top ten:

10: Andre The Giant likes Andre The Giant.

Fairly obvious, why wouldn’t the 7’4, 500 lbs + giant from the French Alpes enjoy some snot-nose from the Bronx ripping off his name. Especially since Andre the Giant from Show and AG is the size of three apples stacked onto eachother. But as he once cheekily remarked: “not a giant in height, on the strength I’m a giant in length.”

9: Stone Cold Steve Austin likes Beatnuts.

Why? Cause they’re stone crazy, that’s why!

8: Hacksaw Jim Duggan likes Busta Rhymes.

That’s right, America’s protector with his trusty 2×4 is a fan of Busta Rhymes. At least I imagine he would be after Busta rapped: “Busta Rhymes is like Hacksaw Jim Duggan” on Pharoahe Monch‘s Simon Says Remix. No explanation why he thought himself to be like the cockeyed one-move wrestler always sporting the red-white-and-blue, but after such a compliment, how could Jim Duggan not like Busta, tough guy? Hooooooooooo!

7: Kurt Angle likes Dilated Peoples.

Cause they work the Angles – sharp and precise! And that’s how the decorated olympian gets down to business as well, oh it’s true!

6: Barbarian likes Bo$$ Hogg Barbarians.

A fairly new alliance of rappers and wrestler, but a good one none the less. While the wrestling barbarian was more of the old school fur-covered, face paint sporting kind the Bo$$ Hogg Barbarians seem more into foul language and cars. But hey, at least J-Zone sported a fur a million times cheaper than Barbarians attire when he played at Loppen.

5: Kane likes Big Daddy Kane.

It’s a Big Daddy / Big Red Machine Thing. Undertaker’s long-lost (and/or burnt and killed) brother certainly knows if there are two things that aren’t easy it’s pimping and remembering to always keep your mask on. Oh well, seems he forgot the last part and became a midcarder. Wrath of Kane!

4: Legion of Doom like MF Doom.

The Road Warriors Hawk and Animal shouldn’t be able to recist everyone’s favorite underground rapper. Even from beyond the grave you can just hear Hawk screaming: “Dangerdoom? RRRRRWWWHaaat A RUSH!”

3: Tito Santana likes Juelz Santana.

Mexico’s favorite son, the prince of Tijuana, Tito Santana has to mark out for Juelz Santana. Afterall Juelz is a Diplomat and now that Tito’s career as a wrestler seems over he must do something to keep the green card intact. Arriba la Dip Set!

2: Who likes Redman.

Well, Jim Neidhart always was about as mental as the Funk Doctor, and to top it off, today’s Jim Neidhart’s birthday. Congrats Anvil!

1: Undertaker likes Gang Starr.

The next time Taker steps in the arena, he better recite the eulogy words I manifest or it’ll be a Full RIP for the dead man! Why? Cause there are so many spots – but they’re hard to urn.

Mr. Burns Vs. Hr. Møller: battle for evil corporation owner supremacy (updated!)

In the spirit of tonight’s Royal Rumble I decided the hip-hop, the simpsons and wrestling blog would play host to its very own showdown. Regular readers may recall I’ve already covered the similarities shared by Springfield’s Mr. Burns and Howard Hughes of The Aviator fame. However, it has come to my attention that Mr. Burns has much more in common with another business-man much closer to home, none other than our very own Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller!

At first encounter, the former head of the Mærsk and AP Møller empire may seem as your average, although slightly upperclass, grampa. But make no mistake, when it comes to big business Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller can get down and dirty with the worst of them. But to make sure there aren’t any questions as to who has the upper hand, I decided to let Mr. Burns and Hr. Møller duke it out in an eight round fight for the title evil corporation owner supremacy, let’s go!

Round one: Name and Age

Mr. Burns:
Full name: Charles Montgomery Burns
Age: 104

Hr. Møller:
Full name:
Arnold Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller
Age: 92

Winner – Mr. Burns
Not only does his name ring more evil, he’s also beat Møller by nearly a decade of evil corporation owner doings.

Round two: Catchphrases

Mr. Burns:
“Release the hounds!”

Hr. Møller:
“Rettidig omhu” (Accurate display of timely precision)
“Hvor har vi det godt, og hvor har vi fortjent det!” (How blessed we are, and how we deserve it)

Winner – Mr. Burns
Once again our Springfield slugger is simply better at the bat than his Danish adversary. While Hr. Møller is able to combat “Excellent” with two just as self-absorbed catchpheases of his own, there’s nothing that says evil corporation owner as “Release the hounds!” does.

Round three: German affiliation

Mr. Burns:
Speaks fluent German and sold the Springfield Nuclear Powerplant to the Germans.

Hr. Møller:
The A.P. Møller company was one third owner of The Riffle Syndicate that sold arms to the Germans during World War II.

Winner – Hr. Møller
Finally the stretchy Scandinavian rolls into action. There’s simply no better way to make your company seem evil than supporting the losing team in a war, way to go!

Round four: Heir to the throne.

Mr. Burns:
Has illegitimate son Larry (voiced by Rodney Dangerfield), but doesn’t seem to want him as a successor. Once tried for Bart Simpson as would-be heir but again failed. Spends most of his time with a closet homosexual.

Hr. Møller:
Has three daughters, none of whom seemed interested in following in dad’s footsteps. Left Mærsk to be run by Smedegård Andersen, proving this might be the end of the family dynasty.

Winner – Tie
Clearly neither of our evil corporation owners have managed to provide an heir – they must not have been up on their duties, and at age 90+ it seems a little late.

Round five: Harassment of local community

Mr. Burns:
Once blocked out sunlight in Springfield in an attempt to cash in on rising electricity use.

Hr. Møller:
Tried to block website gangster-maersk on copyright infringement charges. Lost the case.

Winner – Mr. Burns
While both men surely do their share of underhanded business, Mr. Burns is just much more public with his intentions to harass.

Round six: Mythological connection

Mr. Burns:
May or may not be a vampire

Hr. Møller:
May or may not be a vampire

Winner – Tie

Round seven: Architectural landmarks

Mr. Burns:
Built The Monty Burns Casino, using his own money.

Hr. Møller:
Built the new Danish national opera, using his own money. Then wrote it off on his company’s taxes, overruled the renowned architect, and turned said opera building into the world’s largest toaster-oven.

Winner – Hr. Møller
Definately way more evil business corporation owner-like to use his love of grandscaled building as a tax-cut.

Round eight: Political ties

Mr. Burns:
Had Jimmy Carter and George Bush Sr. at his 90’s birthday. Is head of Springfield’s local Republican party.

Hr. Møller:
Sends threatening handwritten letters to the Danish prime minister whenever something rubs him the wrong way.

Winner – Hr. Møller
Another victory for the old Dane. Clearly it’s much more evil to not even be politically active and still have the entire political system dancing to the tune of your pied pipe.

So there we have it, Mr. Burns won on age, catchphrase and local harassment, while Hr. Møller won German affiliation, local harassment and architectural landmark. Heir to the throne and vampire rumours both ended in ties, bringing us to a grand total of 3-3 in the battle between Hr. Møller and Mr. Burns for evil corporation owner supremacy. Maybe we should have a rematch later on when either of the gentlemen displays his evilness yet again.

Until then, release the hounds!


Just when I thought it was all over, the tie can apparently be broken already:

Round nine – personal assistent

Mr. Burns:
Perfectionist closet homosexual, who follows his employer’s every wink.

Hr. Møller:
Perfectionist closet homosexual AND crossdresser, who follows his employer’s every wink.

Winner – Hr. Møller!!

Yes it took a final round for him to beat Springfield’s oldest son, but he did it. Hr. Møller is officially evil corporation owner supreme!

Jay-Z is Fraggle ROC?!

Who doesn’t know and love Gobo, Wembley and the other inhabitants down at Fraggle Rock, not to mention Sprocket, The Gorgs and…and…and, ah all those memories. Yet I had no idea there was a rappin’ Fraggle ’til Cam’ron of Dip Set was nice enough to point it out.

That’s right, all the Jiggaman talk about “The ROC” may actually have been about Fraggle Rock, as Killer Cam shares his discovery that Jay-Z resembles a Fraggle a great deal. He does this on the outro for the track “You Gotta Love It”, his first in a line of many future jabs at the Def Jam president. Apparently most of the beef stems from Cam taking Dame Dash’s side in the beef over Rocafella, but it could go all the way back to Jay-Z’s alledged stapping of Lance “Un” who was Cam’s boss at Untertainment at one point.

The song isn’t all that. There are a few fun lines about Jigga turning the big 4-0 a couple years back, (Freeway did it much better when he dissed Jaz-O with: “You’re like the bottle dropped in Menace (II Society) – fourty and broke.”) He also expands on the old-ass metaphor by making fun of Jay-Z wearing sandals in public. This woulda been way funnier had he fused with with Nas’ constant camel-disses to Jigga and called him “camel-toes.” Or maybe not.
While I love Cam and Dipset in generally (especially JR Writer!) I don’t see this beef going too many places. Jigga’s busy burning up guestappearences and being friends with Nas. Now if those two were to get at Cam, then we’d really be in business!

“Pussy so deep, a n!gga thought he found Fraggle Rock” – Ras Kass

Meanwhile in other hip-hop, the simpsons and wrestling related news, Diamond Dallas Page, former WCW champion and all round legendary wrestler is suing Jay-Z for using the ROC-diamond handsign. Diamond Dallas Page has used this sign in public for ages – see him doing it here (also refering to his finisher as the Diamond Cutter). I really don’t see how Jigga can win this battle. Though it is slightly ironic that a rapper would get suid for waving gangsigns!?

“Doing all sorts of twisted shit with they fingers” – Jay-Z

Storm P ressurects himself as urban rap-star

Now granted, hiphop has seen its Hurricane G, DJ Typhoon, hell even Kurtis Blow sounds kinda windy…but that the late Storm P. would come back as a rapper wasn’t really in the cards, was it?

For those unfamiliar with the moniker “Storm P.” it was the calling name of Robert Storm Petersen (1882-1948). The Danish satirist, inventor, actor etc. was known primarily for his work as the creator of daily comic-strips in newspapers and such. He was particular good at depicting the gabs between society classes and older readers of this blog (yeah, right!) may remember his Peter og Ping comic about a man and his pinguin. Even in the new milenium, his name is synonymous with drawings of crazy, complicated Wiley Coyote-styled abstract inventions. You can read more about him at the Storm P. Museum.

So what’s new? Well, this has actually been brewing slowly. First I see the name “Storm P” on a DJ Clue mixtape. Then I see the name again in a Source magazine ad for some Flavor Unit release and it’s starting to get creepy. Now I visit my local Blockbuster videooutlet and there the #¤%”#” is again, this time co-staring in a Queen Latifah flick, what the fluck!

With a little help from Google, it turns out Storm P is synonymous with Quran Pender. The rapper-slash-actor got his start with Queen La’s Flavor Unit (a New Jersey based hiphop company predating 50’s G-Unit with about 15 years). He was a part of their younger posse, geniusly titled “The Unit” and released an album with them. He also worked on music for the movie “Chicago”, and now he’s all up in “The Cookout” playing an NBA-cat at a picnic gone horribly wrong.

Apparently the movie went horribly wrong as well (read review here). But I, for one, am rooting for young Storm P. to do his thing until he reaches a status where he gets the attention of the Danish media. That way they can steal this mistaken identity story from me, much like they did the one about the Royal monogram and Funk Flex’s logo.

Mutha made ’em, mutha blog ’em!

Breaking news: Bart Simpson is a Scientologist!

Yeah that’s right, the radical, ‘don’t have a cow man’, ‘eye curumba’ El Barto is a member of L Ron Hubbard’s church of Scientology. This may not be news to the American readers (assuming there are any) but in oblivious little Denmark, this piece of information sure hasn’t been shared much. The deal is this, Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson (yes Bart is voiced by a 40-something woman, get over it) has been a member of Scientology for years. You can read an interview in which she comments on it here.

What’s kinda nuts about it, is that while The Simpsons has been Bible-bashing, Quaran-crashing and Tora-torching for ages, there have hardly been any mentions of Scientology. There was a show called “The Joy of Sect” where an L Ron Hubbard like character brainwashes America’s favorite dysfunctional family, but that’s about it. Unless you count dubious remarks like Reverend Love Joy calling the band Iron Butterfly >>I. Ron Butterfly, or Apu complaining: “Oh, who needs the infinite compassion of Genisha, when I have Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman staring at me with their dead eyes!”One of the more subtle comments could be when Lisa and Bart are trying to explain to Side Show Bob he’s merely playing second fiddle in a greater scheme:

Bart: “You were just Barlow’s lackey.”
Lisa: “You were Ronny to his Nancy!”
Bart: “Sonny to his Cher!”
Lisa: “Ringo to his rest of the Beatles!”

Ronny to his Nancy is of course a reference to former presidential couple Ronald and Nancy Reagan, but it could also be an inside joke hinting at L:Ron(ny) Hubbard and Nancy Cartwright.

In any case, even though I’m all for the freedom to pick your own religion, hobby, sexual orientation and so forth, I find it just a little eerie that the selfproclaimed “devil in a red shirt”, Bart Simpson is somehow related to Tom Cruise, John Travolta and all the other Scientologists secretly lurking whilst staring at our society…with their dead eyes!

Homer Simpson sez: “MMMMM pizza!”

Having a girlfriend rules. Having a girlfriend that buys me merchandise from The Simpsons is damn near garden of Eden. So it was only right to become overtly ecstatic at the joyous occation where I got this precious thingamagic:

The Homer Simpson pizza slicer, what an invention! When you slice the pizza Homer will say stuff like: “The most beautiful word in the English language: PIZZA!”, “When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza-pie – that’s amore!”, “PIZZA, if it tastes good, it must be good for you” and my personal favorite “Pizza meets the requirements of the five food groups – it even counts as a pie!”

Needless to say I cooked up a salami-pizza before noon and we got down to business! Now I just have to figure out how to get these Homer Simpson slippers my friend Morten Spotgun bought himself in Florida. Lucky fugger!

Fona gives hiphoppers the A-HA experience

Now, before I go into my rant, let it be known that ever since Fona gave me a PSP and 5 games for rapping 15 minutes at a company party they’ve been AOK with me. But this simply will not stand. Sometimes, someone has to draw a line somewhere in the sand. This ain’t Nam, it ain’t even The Falklands and I’m not going to take it!

Imagine if you will, the mothers, fathers, uncles, grandparents and significant others in general out there wishing to buy presents for the hiphopper in the family. They get Fona’s ad-mag in the mail, and think, what an easy way to locate the perfect gift for the family black sheep. Naturally they look to the rap section – cheekily titled “rap julemusik”. Here we find 50 Cent, Jokeren, Outlandish, Gorillaz, LOC and… A-HA!?

That’s right, A friggin Ha of Take On Me fame are listed as rap?! Next thing you know Bent Fabric is jungle and Bing Crosby is grime?! I urge all the muthabloggers out there to go to Fona, and voice your complaint, so we can all avoid getting the A-HA Analogue album for X-mas.

To send you off on a pleasant vibe, here’s DJ Yoda’s remix of Take On Me from the How To Cut And Paste The 80’s mixtape!